The trouble with being a woman is........

I recently heard the most interesting quote.  Trouble is, I can't remember where I heard it.  But it stuck with me nonetheless.  It went something like this:

"The trouble with being a woman is having women friends."

At first I sort of took offense.  I mean, what could be bad about having women friends as a woman? For myself, I don't remember a time, even in my early girlhood, when I didn't have female friends.  From playing house and Barbies, to discovering make-up and nylons and boys, to bridesmaids in your wedding, to mother's comparing diaper rash remedies, women commune together throughout their lives. We travel from one rite of passage to the next together in a way men never can. And in a world where even the men we are the closest to often find us tantamount to aliens from another planet, other women understand and commiserate with us on our physical and emotional travails.  We've all been there, ya know? What could really be bad?

But....as I turned the quote over in my head more and more, I began to see the subject of women having women friends in a different light.  I realized I hadn't really given these relationships much thought through the years.  There were certain things that went along with these relationships, good and bad, and that was just the way it was. It came with the territory. Not much to analyze.



I realized I hadn't really thought about the dynamics of these relationships much until I wrote. "Because You're the First."  While the story mostly revolves around the love interest of Kassandra and Cameron, a huge part of what happens has to do with Kassandra's high school girlfriends, Susie and Mindi, and their relationships with each other.

While these characters care deeply for each other, they are also very competitive.  They truly have a love-hate relationship going on with one another.  Mindi is a lower middle class girl from a large family.  Kassandra is one of two children of an upper middle class family.  Mindi is forced to watch Kassandra wear designer clothes while she wears hand me downs.  She watches Kassandra go on trips, when Mindi's poor and large family can barely afford to live.  In the story, this leads to a lot of complications between Kassandra and Mindi. 

This is a pretty predictable scenario,  you say.  One girl has and the other doesn't.  No wonder there is friction.  But how about when your friend has as much as you do, if not more? 

I had this dicotomy with a girlfriend I met in about the 3rd grade.  We felt like we were like peas in a pod.  Our birthdays were literally two days apart.  We were both musical, both had nice clothes and nice homes and families. 

Yet we still found things to compete about.  If it wasn't who got the newest Elton John album first, it was over who was the better singer, who had the better figure, etc.  Yet in spite of these friendly little competitions, we were able to stay friends.

That all ended when it came to boys.  We could compete about the little things, but with boys, that was something else entirely.  We were out for blood.  And if you got the guy and she didn't, well, that wasn't a good thing, because many times, the friend feels left behind, as though you're choosing the guy over her friendship.

Which, let's face it, ladies.  It was the truth.

This is what happens between Susie and Kassandra in the book.  Kassandra, like any young girl, feels she is forced to choose between Cameron and Susie, a sweet and kind but promiscuious girl who Cameron disapproves of. 

Another great quote: "What they do to make them like us." (That one I remember; that is from the movie "Becoming Jane," one of my favorites.) Anyway, Kassandra, at first, thinks Cameron is worth giving up her friend for, then changes her mind.  Ultimately, Cameron accepts Susie as Kassandra's friend. 

These conflicts continue between these women, even as adults. In the story, Kassandra and Mindi squabble over Kassandra's relationship with Cameron, which Mindi has always deemed as bad for Kassandra. 

Yet they stayed friends over a 40 year period. 

So our relationships with our women friends are problematic, just like all our other relationships.  No relationship is easy all the time.  I wished I'd known this as a young person, since so many women friends over the years have crossed in and out of my life, all of them enriching and contributing to who I am in some way.  If we parted badly, I wish I could say I'm sorry; that their friendship was worth a great deal to me. 

The trouble with being a woman is having women friends? 

I would change it to say "the trouble with being a women is she can't keep all her women friends because first, she has to learn how important they are"  And hopefully, she doesn't learn this too late. 

Available at Amazon.com

Nector of the Gods: California Wine in "Because You're the First"

I may be prejudiced, since I lived there most of my life, but there is nothing like California wines.

My serious introduction to wines came in 1992, when my then boyfriend - future husband and I took a trip to Santa Ynez and Solvang, which is approximately 4 hours from Los Angeles.  We visited several wineries, most notably the Fess Parker winery, (yes, it was owned by the late Fess Parker who played Davy Crockett in the 1960s TV show) and a little hole in wall place called the Santa Ynez winery. 

We fell in love with this place.  And the wine was something spectacular.  Their White Zinfanel and their Rieslings were great.  But their Chardonnay was like nothing we had ever tasted.  In a word, it was perfection.

We joined their wine club, and enjoyed the wines for quite some time.  Of course, when we wanted to buy a house we had to cut expenses, and the wine club, which wasn't cheap, was eliminated from our budget. But I'll never forget that Chardonnay, which consequently, I have never found again, since that winery is no longer in business.

But I admit it spoiled me. Great wine does.  Cheap wine becomes intolerable.  My days of Boone's Farm Strawberry Hill and box wines were over for good.

So since the memory of these great wines has stuck with me, I really wanted to write about it, which led me to creating my character Tom Sanders a vintner in "Because You're the First."



What makes California wines so spectacular? One reason is the weather.  Weather variations from year to year are far less dramatic in California than in most European regions.  One major reason is that rain doesn't fall during the growing season in much of the state.  Rain at the wrong time is the usual cause of Europe's poor vintages. But with the use of irrigation, winemakers in California, in effect, can control the water that goes to the vines.

Santa Ynez, where the Sanders winery is in "Because You're the First" is located is in Santa Barbara County, which according to viticultural experts, is one of the most exciting area for wines, not only in California, but in the entire country.  Even the Spanish missionaries planted vineyards there 200 years ago.  The cool Santa Maria, Santa Ynez and Los Alamos valleys, which lie north of the city of Santa Barbara, run east to west, opening toward the Pacific Ocean, and channeling the ocean air.  The cool climate is ideal for Pinot Noir and Chardonnay, which is grown at the fictional Sanders Winery. 

Pinot Noir is one of the treasures that comes from these Santa Barbara County wineries.  It is lighter in color than a Cabernet or Merlot.  Its flavors and aromas can be very fruity - often like a melange of red berries, or it is earthy and woodsy, depending on how it is grown.  It is not an easy grape to cultivate, but because of the ideal climate situation, it makes it a fantastic, unique wine. The other wines Santa Barbara County is known for is its Chardonnay, but equally wonderful is Sauvignon Blanc, Syrah, Riesling, and Cabernet Franc.  But it's the Pinot that is the best known wine in Sanders Winery. 

Of course there will always be the critics.  In the book, Cameron insists there is no comparison with French wines.  But the popularity of California wines speak for itself, at least here in the U.S. where more California wines are sold more than any other.

To get a real feel for the Santa Ynez valley, check out the 2004 Academy Award nominated comedy, "Sideways" staring Paul Giamatti, Thomas Hayden Church, Virginia Madsen and Sandra Oh.  The film highlights two friends, one on the eve of his wedding, that venture up to the Santa Ynez Valley for golf, wine and relaxation, and get a lot more than that by the time they leave. 

Characters drink Santa Ynez wines in the film "Sideways"

Do you always have to like a character? Seriously????

The other day on Goodreads, I was reading one of the forums that was discussing characters and their likeability.  The concept at question was: it is necessary, to truly enjoy a work of fiction, to not only find the character affable, but to identify with the character as well? 

I feel compelled to address this issue for array of different reason, which I will list below.

The novel being discussed was one of the most renowned masterpieces of literature, Emily Bronte's "Wuthering Heights."  One reader felt the book had no redeeming qualities at all because, well, none of the characters were people you could really care about; they were selfish, nasty, vindicative, cruel, and jealous.  How could anyone "like" or "care" about people like this?   These disagreeable characters made "Wuthering Heights" an unbearable read for this person.

And because of these character's terrible qualities, this person also could not "identify" with them either.  There was no connection felt with any of them. They were like aliens from another planet.

Now, to be fair, "Wuthering Heights" has always been a controversial novel.  When the novel, which was Emily Bronte's only work of fiction, was published in 1847, the reactions of critics were mixed.  Some said the novel's cruel characters epitomized "depravity and vulgarity." One reviewer even wrote how anyone could read it without committing suicide was beyond comprehension. Some reviewers even said what people say now; that the characters were "unlikeable and unpleasant."

From my vantage point, the characters in "Wuthering Heights" epitomize so many things. Why? Because I have felt every emotion Cathy, Heathcliff, Edgar, and Catherine felt in the story.

This is because what these characters convey are human qualities.  And Lord knows those aren't always "nice" qualities.  I have felt jealousy, hate, been vindicative, and selfish.  And I know what it feels to love so deeply that person seems imprinted on your soul, just like what Heathcliff and Cathy felt for each other.  And frankly, I challenge anyone to say they have not felt things these characters have felt.  And at the risk of being nasty, I pity you if you haven't, because the things these characters felt is the stuff of life.

Do I like them? Would I meet them for coffee at Barnes and Noble (Hi, Wendy!!)?  I don't need to like them.  They move me.  They take my breath away.  So liking them becomes insignificant. There's a higher force at work here.

Cathy and Healthcliff are an archetype for every couple that has been passionately in love and couldn't be together, for whatever reason, even if those reasons are self-inflicted.  And in spite of everything, they couldn't stay away from one another. 

This will all sound very familar if you've read "Because You're the First."  If you haven't read it yet, this is a bit of a spoiler alert, so beware!! The teenage Cameron and Kassandra have an argument in their high school english class over "Wuthering Heights" and the behavior of the characters, which turns into an embarrassing moment when everyone in class draws the parallels of their heated argument back to them. 

Many have said the same about my characters as they did about the characters in "Wuthering Heights." I have also seen it in other book reviews; this idea that "if I don't want to be buddies with this character," he or she has no redeeming qualities.

Now, I suppose this looks like I'm being pissy about a few bad reviews.  Let me say I never expected everyone to like my book.  That is impossible, first of all.  Second of all, there are a lot of controversial issues in the book, i.e., teen sex, infidelity, adults taking advantage of vulnerable young adults, and so on, that some could find offense. Naturally this book is not for everybody, and that's okay. 

But really, what perplexes me is this "I need to like the character stuff" because I never, ever think to myself, "Oh, I don't like this character or that character." If fact, there have been some fantastic characters that you just love to hate.  If all writers just wrote about characters that were likeable, there would have been no Bill Sykes from "Oliver Twist", or Eustacia Vye in "Return of the Native" or so many others.  What works is how that character resonates with your humanity. 

In other words, does this character make you feel something strong? Will you remember the characters in this book for long time? What stays with you, long after the book goes back in the bookshelf, or on your cloud? 

It is my sincere hope that the characters I create bring this intensity of feeling to my readers.  Love them, hate them, be disgusted by them, cheer for them.  But feel something.  That, to any writer, is the greatest accomplishment.

The 2009 PBS film of "Wuthering Heights" with Tom Hardy and Charlotte Riley

My personal favorite





Available at Amazon.com

Coming soon to others!!

That Dangerous Teenage Crush: The Joyce Carol Oates influence in "Because You're the First."



I honestly cannot remember a time when books were not a part of my life.

From the time I was old enough to hold one, till I fulfilled a lifelong dream of completing a Master's Degree in literature in 2007, till now when I'm taking on another dream of actually writing novels, the written word has consoled me, inspired me, giving me hope.



Grampa Edgerton and I, circa 1962

So it was probably natural when I wrote "Because You're the First" to want to write something around characters that were book lovers.  Since I'm a teacher of literature as well as a writer, I thought I would be fun to talk about some of the books, both old and new classics, they were enjoyed, as well as emulated in the book.

The first book talked about in the novel isn't really a book.  It's actually a short story.  "Where Are you Going, Where Are you From? was written by one of the most prolific writers of the modern era, Joyce Carol Oates. 



Joyce Carol Oates

Oates based this story on an actual event that occurred in Tucson in 1966.  It was based on the tale of Charles Schmid, a 23 year old who cruised teen hangouts, picking up girls to ride in his gold convertible.  Eventually, he murdered three of them.  He was convicted of murder that same year.  Oates connected Schmid's exploits to mythic legend and folk songs.  The story was originally titled "Death and the Maiden," but Oates eventually concluded the title was too pompous, instead calling it "Where Are You Going, Where Have You Been?"

The writer also eventually dedicated the story to Bob Dylan, since during the writing of the story she had been listening to Dylan's song "It's All Over Now, Baby Blue," which Joyce said struck her as "hauntingly elegiac," and similar to the tone in the story.

The story was made into a film in 1985 called "Smooth Talk" staring Laura Dern as Connie, and Treat Williams as Arnold Friend.   While the actors gave fair performances, the movie itself is overly drawn out and boring.  Only about the last 20 minutes reflect Oate's actual story line. It still occasionally plays on various cable networks.



Connie and Arnold with the gold jalopy in "Smooth Talk"

The story is one of the most anthologized stories in college textbooks.  When I teach it to my students, I get mixed reviews.  Of course Oates doesn't come out and say Connie dies; in fact, you can interpret the story to mean many things, which I think is the reason so many literature teachers have their students read it.  What does it really mean? If Connie doesn't really die physically, what happens?

People often interpret Connie's going away with Arnold to mean a death of her innocence instead of a literal death; making the story more of a coming of age piece.  That is where the teenage Kassandra takes it in "Because You're the First."  When she reads the story, she interprets the gold jalopy and the young man driving it as a means to an end; a way of getting out of her teenage self and growing up.  Plus Arnold is the personification of everything that is cool; dress, car, and music among them, and what teen girl doesn't want a "cool" boyfriend?

Kassandra gets her wish; finding her cool boyfriend in Cameron Martin. But like Connie, in the end Kassandra finds she may not be ready for what she gets into with a very lusty adolescent boy like Cameron, a common tale for many young girls, back 40 years ago, as well as now.  "Where Are You Going, Where Have You Been" chronicles the drama of growing up, as well as the risks.  Every girl has a Cameron Martin at least one in her life, real of imagined.  And once that happens, you're  just never the same!!!

 Available on Amazon.com

Coming soon to Nook and others!!!